Perspective

Well, it's been a little while since I've written on my blog. Remember how I said, I'll have the comic done by the end of the week, barring a family emergency? Well, sadly there was a tragic family emergency recently. My Uncle died of cancer. The funeral was this last weekend, and it has made me pretty depressed. He was a good man and loved his family. He's been struggling with cancer for about two years now, but it continued to spread. He's endured painful chemotherapy, discouraging test results, and having to cope with knowing there wasn't anything more he could do. I can't imagine... I'm trying to be here for my family and be supportive of them. Seeing what they're going through has given me a new perspective on things and how I need to live my own life.

For one thing, the web comic was starting to stress me out. It was supposed to be a fun and new way for me to gain an internet presence, not something that was just another deadline. I've found myself frustrated with it, to the point I'm thinking "stupid web comic" and grumbling irritably when I think about working on it. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. Life is too short for me to be stressing myself out over something so trivial. So, I'm going to do it at my own pace and it'll be done when it is done. I already have an idea for another comic, so I'll might even put this first one down to work on that one if I continue to be annoyed with it. I'm my own boss and I need to stop being so darn hard on myself.

Also, I really need to be more spiritual. Joel and I are starting to do a bible study on Wednesday evenings in addition to going to church. I'm aware that I don't pray enough and that I don't trust in God enough. I need to let go and try to put my life in his guiding hands. I think if I can do that, I'll realize that things will always going as they should be, good or bad, and I'll be a lot less uptight and worried. Worrying doesn't do any good. I worry too much about writer's block, and the work I do in general. I need to stop worrying.

Finally, I think pretty soon my life is going to change quite a bit. Joel and I are talking seriously about having a baby. We're thinking it might even happen next year. If so, I need to focus on trying to get an agent for at least one of my completed books at the end of this year, so I can focus on planning for a baby next year. I'll need to do lots of reading... I still plan to write in my spare time, but in the future, I'm well aware that I won't have very much time for writing. Still, it will be worth it. Again, this is another reason why the web comic is a little less important than I first thought. I can still write, but Jesus and my family always have to come first.

As I've mentioned, I've been struggling with bad writer's block lately. I've been playing a good bit of World of Warcraft and then have been irritated at myself for doing it, as though maybe if I sat in front of the computer and "tried to write" it would just happen. I mentioned this to Joel and he was quick to point out that the past few months, particularly the past few weeks were very busy and different than usual for me. I was working hard to turn in my WoW story, planning several detailed sessions for my Grimm game (including drawing up maps for it), working on the web comic, and then this happened with my Uncle. While sometimes depression make me write well, usually it has a way of temporarily sapping my creativity. Deep down, I know that I can't force myself to write. You can't pump anymore water when the well runs dry. When my ideas come, I'll write them, but until then, I'm going to try to relax, destress, and cheer up. Wish me luck. I think I might need it.