Sorry to keep you waiting again. First of all, the holidays went well. I guess you could say I was taking a break from everything for a few weeks. There was no family drama, just lots of good food and overall things were pretty relaxing.
Since I'm practically done with the first trimester, I'll also go ahead and say that I'm pregnant again. It's very exciting, but I wish I didn't feel sick everyday. I'm almost over that, but every now and again I feel like I'm going to throw up for no reason...not much you can do. This pregnancy has seemed a little worse than the first one, but hopefully the delivery will be a little easier. So, needless to say, a new baby has been weighing heavily on my mind and all that entails. I'm happy about it, but it'll be a big adjustment.
I think that the biggest reason I haven't blogged in a long time is mostly that for about two months I've been in a writing slump. I didn't know if I should continue working on the middle grade horror books. I have plenty of ideas, but I still don't have representation for them. I could write ten of them, but if no one represents me, then I it's like they're just relics stored in my computer with no one to read them. I have two fully written and the outlines for three others. I've changed a few things around to make middle grade instead of young reader, mostly because kids tend to "read up." Anyway, I was waiting to see if I could get an agent before writing more of them.
Then, I thought about writing middle grade fantasy, but I just couldn't get inspired for it. I've written fantasy before, but not for a younger audience, and I just couldn't feel enthusiastic about the project. I would start to write something, decide that I wasn't feeling it, and then wander off to do something else. I was mostly going to write that genre because I thought it would be more marketable.
Needless to say, I've gotten a lot of rejection letters lately. Rejection letters always make me feel down. I was hoping that being a finalist in the Dark Crystal contest was really going to help my chances, but everything felt the same. It made me feel less confident and made me question if I should still be trying to get published. Everyone goes through this occasionally, but this time was worse than usual.
Anyway, I realized yesterday what the problem was, a problem I've had before that seems so simple that I should have been able to identify it sooner. I'm thinking too much about the future. I want an agent so badly that I'm trying to write things I think will be more appealing to an agent, rather than writing what I feel like writing. Thus, I wasn't really producing anything at all and what I did write wasn't worth sending to anyone. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that was the problem. Once I realized that I wasn't enjoying working on what I felt like people wanted to see, I felt much better.
I've made a decision. I'm going to write whatever genre I feel like pursuing. It might be the middle grade horror books, or I might just pick up one of my unfinished novels and finish it. Either way, I'm going write again. I'll send out more agent letters and worry about that when when I'm done with more work.
In the meantime, I'm still trying to find representation for the middle grade horror books, but I'm not going to stress over it. There are a lot of agents out there. One of them is right for me. I just haven't found him/her yet. I know a few that I'm interested in, but if they aren't interested in my work, it isn't meant to be. I think when I finally find an agent that loves my work, things will really take off. I just have to have more faith in myself and that my prayers will be answered. The last time I was in a slump this bad, I became a finalist in a competition. I need to remember that.
Anyway, I'm back, and I'm writing. Keep reading and writing too.